There’s nothing to eat

I’m going to try to post more frequently, but with smaller topics to save time.  I’ve found that not posting for the past 2 weeks has allowed me to get closer to that “unhealthy” line than I’d like to be, so I’m going to keep doing this as part of my ongoing process.  So if you’re tired of reading my blog, sorry, it’s going to keep going for a while. 🙂

Status update (will try to limit these to once every 2 weeks or so):  Down to 223 from 275.  Can now run a 5k.  Recently tried spin class for the first time and every excited to go back!

I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a friend who basically did everything I have been doing, only a decade earlier.  What’s interesting is I’ve noticed that some of the things I hadn’t experienced are starting to happen.  Like “re-learning how to eat.”

Now, this is different than learning about nutrition, or learning about portion sizes.  Those are easy, and literally anybody can do it with minimal effort.

Learning how to eat, I’ve found, has been much more difficult.

Here’s what I mean.  I can walk in to the kitchen, looking for a snack to tide me over until dinner, and because there isn’t a bag of chips or some similar salty, fatty snack, I will determine that there’s nothing to eat in our house.

Never mind the apples, bananas, whole grain crackers with light cream cheese, nuts, carrots and hummus, yogurt, or any of the other healthy options I’ve stocked the house with… I literally don’t even see them, despite the fact that I did the shopping for all of it.

Same thing at lunch during the week.  I work across the street from a Trader Joe’s and down the road from Safeway, so literally anything I want is at my finger tips.  Yet the only thing I can ever think of for lunch is some version of turkey sandwich with no mayo or 2 crisp chicken tacos (360 total calories and low fat) from Taco Time.  So while it’s good that I don’t revert to my fast food ways, I feel like I’m one “day of boredom” away from talking myself in to Jack In The Box is fine as long as I have a light dinner (I’ve already got my emergency cheat meal, a 600 calorie cheeseburger/fries meal from burger king, although I haven’t partaken in 3 weeks).

There is no solution for this.

Now, that statement might sound ominous, but it’s true.  There are ways to deal with it, like continuing to make sure that I have healthy choices available to me, and branching out my picky eating, but there is no way to “fix” the part of my brain that tells me that only processed snack foods will quell my hunger.  I’m sure that as I re-learn how to eat, that voice will become quieter and quieter, but for now, it’s extremely difficult.  If you’re like me and are used to eating poorly, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

All I can say is that I take comfort in knowing that there are other people out there who, like me, don’t automatically gravitate to the food that is best for their body.  Or, more accurately, I take comfort in knowing that there are people in that category who, like me, are struggling to change.  There are MILLIONS of people who regularly eat the way my Keri keep telling me “in America, ‘normal’ doesn’t mean healthy.”  That’s a topic I’ll cover later, but for now, I’ll just say that I understand why doing what’s best doesn’t always mean doing what’s easy, even when it seems like it should be.

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